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Sesame Street To Finally Wed Bert And Ernie

The hugely popular Sesame Street couple Bert and Ernie have long been rumored to be gay partners. They oddly lived together for decades while engaging in the subtle yet typical behavior of a gay couple.

Now, with the history making Supreme Court decision to allow gays to be married anywhere in the United States, Sesame Street is reportedly jumping on the progressive bandwagon and will finally do what many have believed is long overdue: they will officially marry Bert and Ernie. It will be the first mainstream children’s show puppets to be openly gay and married to one another.

“This is just sick! I grew up on Sesame Street and yeah we all figured there was something fishy and faggy going on between Bert and Ernie, but c’mon, they are puppets for christ’s sake! You don’t need to officially make them gay. What they do when the show goes off air is their own business,” says 46-year-old Mathis Jarvis, a father of four in Oklahoma.

Janie Petulie, a mommy of two from Birmingham had similar feelings: “I liked how Ernie always joked around with Bert, but I don’t want to see him doing gay stuff with him, and that’s exactly what my kids are gonna have to now see! It’s really disgusting.”

Others have welcomed the union between the two gay puppets. Tweets around the web have included:

“It’s about time! These 2 have been sexually gay oppressed for decades!”

“Can’t wait for when they french kiss during ceremony. Blessings!”

“Wow! This opens the floodgates for Cookie Monster and Oscar the Grouch to go full on GAY and get hitched!”

A special 2-hour live prime time event is planned for the marriage of Bert and Ernie and PBS may allow for the show to premiere on a mainstream network due to the groundbreaking nature of the event.

PBS spokesman James Appleberry states: “We are quickly researching the best time slot to air the epic Bert and Ernie marriage episode. We want the perfect slot when the most children will be watching TV. They can sit down with their parents and witness this monumental history-in-the-making television event take place.”

James continues, “And yes, we will have the groom kiss the groom, and yes it will be a very long lasting kiss. We are in serious discussion at how long the kiss will last, but you can expect a 5-12 second locking of lips between our now beloved happily married gay couple, Bert and Ernie. It is just so, so exciting!”