KALAMAZOO, Michigan –
Recent controversy over Spokane, Washington NAACP leader Rachel Dolezal who claimed she is black, when in fact she is white, has sprouted an investigation across the country into other NAACP leaders and their race identification.
Simon “Sizzle” McDonald, the NAACP leader of Kalamazoo, Michigan is the latest to be outed as being white, while claiming to be black. “Sizzle”, as he prefers being called within the organization, recently became suspected of actually being white when a newspaper clipping of a blond haired child playing the clarinet in a school band anonymously circulated through email. The heading read “Simon McDonald Performing His First Clarinet Solo of Silent Night.”
Assistant Kalamazoo NAACP coordinator Jackie Thomas was shocked at the revelation. “We always associated Sizzle as a black man. He’s always had corn rolls since he became our leader, and he’s never without his grill. He said his parents tried to bleach his skin to make him white so he would have more opportunities in life, but he wanted to stay true to his Afro-American heritage.”
Sizzle originally denied the clarinet photo, but yesterday made a bizarre announcement admitting that the photo was him, while clarifying to the black community that the clarinet was a segway into beat-boxing, which he claims he has been performing on and off for the last decade with the rap group “2 Deaf 2 Matta”.
As for the blond hair and pale freckle-white skin, Sizzle offered this explanation:
“I always were a light skin brother…and during that time in my sixth grade it was all the rage to bleach out your hairs to the dirty blond…all the young brother’s was doing it in Kalamazoo.”
Sizzles’s parents are astonished at his black identification. “It’s bizarre to us. We don’t know why he has chosen to be black. We were good white parents. We instilled good white values into Simon. He was a very good clarinet player.”
No word yet whether Sizzle plans to step down as leader or continue to endure the ongoing controversy.