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Homeless Man Mysteriously Dies After Revealing Ebola Virus Is a US Government Plan for Population Control

Eureka, CA. Open mic nights at a popular Eureka California cafe are usually filled with bad poetry and mediocre folk guitar, according to regular patron Pat McFlurry. “I come in and play my harmonica usually.” Pat will whip out a rendition of Bruce Springsteen’s Born in the USA on his harp. “But this night was different. And after I heard what I heard, I certainly didn’t want to perform a song about the US of A.”

Pat explains what happened when a man named Daryll was called from the list to perform. “All of a sudden this homeless guy who I just started seeing around town this last month, got up to the mic and started going on about this diatribe regarding population control, the US government, and the Ebola virus. But the thing is he was extremely articulate and he had all kinds of diagrams and math equations that he writ (sic) up with a sharpie marker on found cardboard.”

The “diatribe” turned into a very convincing argument, leaving much of the crowd shocked and even scared. The evening culminated in speculation on whether this individual was ex black ops who had gone rogue.

“He had the ink, I saw it.” Johnny Maddisphur, who claims to have relatives in Central Intelligence , refers to a large two headed cobra on the man’s chest which is rumored to be a symbol for a particular Government black op group who served in Iraq and “cleaned up” many of the unfavorable leftover “remnants” after the invasion in 2003.

“The Double Cobra’s were privy to all kind of insider shit, including biological disease warfare.”

The next day “Daryl” the homeless individual, was found in the marsh with a single gunshot wound to the head. A local deputy on the scene initially indicated the shot appeared to be from long distance, high in the air, leaving some to conclude it may have been fired from a drone. But that theory quickly became retracted by chief law enforcement officials the next day.

“It likely was just bum on bum. One guy got disgruntled, drew a pistol and shot him, that’s all. We got a serious meth problem in this city and unfortunately that may have been related.

Oddly, the initial officer on the scene was contacted for comment, but was busy as he was now assigned to desk duty.

“Yes, we’ve had a nasty flu like virus floating around these last few days and are short staffed for clerical, so he’s going to be filling in for a while and is unavailable for comment at this time.”

Many patrons at the cafe were also unavailable for comment on the exact details of the conspiracy theory, also citing discomfort from the same flu like symptoms that have been plaguing the area as of late.