NASA Astronaut Says He Fathered An Alien Eunuch

ORLANDO, Florida –

A resident in Orlando is furious with his “kooky astronaut neighbor” who frequently has “squealing” noises coming from his home late at night.

Randall T. Portlund, who was an engineer on the NASA Mars Rover Mission, claims that he has fathered an alien Eunuch child which is responsible for the 3 a.m. whines inside his suburban home.

“I threatened to call the police and then he agreed to talk to the neighborhood about the noises that been going on,” says Randall’s next door neighbor Jerome. “So he invites us over for barbecue rib on Sunday and starts laying this sh*t on us about the alien eunuch.”

It started when Randall began feeling, as he describes, “horny” only minutes after landing on Mars. A mist began making it’s way into the cabin, where Randall was alone as his crew was out taking samples.

“Now he says that mist impregnated him somehow. And he get’s home to Earth and 8 weeks later he’s taking a dump and out comes the goddamn eunich,” Jerome says.

Neighbors quickly left the barbecue when Portlund brought the eunich out. Some say it looked like a massively deformed fish with a onesie on.

“I ain’t no doubt question that something did happen to him up in Mars, but I think it be a mental thing, not an impregnation thing. That look like a big fish he been fattening up. He must take it out of the water every night to force feed it and it start squealing.”

Jerome the neighbor admits to turning Portlund on to some cannabis cupcakes after his return from Mars.

“I don’t know, maybe I am to blame, but he had some trauma from that mission and needed to chill out some so I thought I was helping out. Now he somehow has this eunuch fish, or I don’t what the hell it is, but he done thinks he shat it out and it’s his baby, that’s fo’ sure.”

Orlando PD has been notified and plans to visit with Portlund this week.

NASA has yet to comment.