Man Wants Pet Pomeranian to Be Surrogate Mother

Lakeland, FLORIDA –

There’s a man in Florida who so desperately wants to have a child, that he walked into a local hospital’s Artificial Insemination Division, placing two things on the doctors desk:

His pet pomeranian and a jar of his semen.

“Look, I done know it may not have been happened before, but that’s what the medical field is all about. Breakin’ new ground,” said Partrick Moornose from Lakeland.

Patrick explained to the doctor in charge that there are thousands of men like him who desperately want children, but due to genetics or “being stuck with butt-ugly genes,” they have to resort to owning small dogs rather than birthing actual children.

But what if those dogs could be mommy’s instead?

“I want my own kid damnit. No woman will get with me, ain’t no adoption agency gonna accept me (Patrick hinted he has a sex offense on his record), so why not I birth it through my pom-pom? Yeah I know the outcome is going to be a very little dwarf kid most likely.”

Patrick says he has plans for his dwarf son:

“Dwarf-wrestling and midget mma (mixed martial arts) are the hottest growing sports there is, so my baby’s got a bright ass future for sure.”

Doctors were perplexed at the request, and after around five minutes of listening to Patrick’s plans for breeding a future champion dwarf wrestler, security was called and Patrick was led out the building, with his jar and his pomeranian. Animal services have been alerted.