Greyhound Buses To Provide Google Glass In 2016

DALLAS, Texas –

Greyhound bus lines announced Monday that they will provide Google Glass to all passengers starting in 2016. This comes as a surprisingly innovative move as Greyhound is usually considered the bottom rung within the transportation industry. The glasses will be a cheaper, recyclable version, yet will perform the same and will be specifically optimized for Greyhound travel.

“To have cutting edge technology provided to all passengers, well you would expect that from a luxury airline like Virgin America or British Airways, but to have Greyhound roll this out is surprisingly shocking to say the least,” says industry analyst Scott Mcgee.

What prompted such a cutting edge move? According to Greyhound contractor Peter Wells, it wasn’t so much a techno move to attract new riders, it was more of a defensive move to control the existing clientele.

“Actually, Greyhound saw this as a way to control their passengers, who have a longstanding reputation for being unruly, disruptive, annoying and many times dangerous. Google Glass provides a mechanism to distract the minds of passengers, put them in their own little worlds so to speak, and cut down unnecessary interaction with one another,” states Wells.

Author Eli Elliott has written numerous short stories on his Greyhound bus ride experiences, his most recent book details child abuse aboard the Greyhound, as well as bus driver attacks and oral sex among passengers. A story of his currently circulating the internet involves a recent trip where a couple from Boise, Idaho were kicked off the bus due to overbearing and excruciating body odor emanating from the female.

Greyhound spokesman Greg Anderson confirms that Google Glass will help with the public relations nightmare regarding the Greyhound bus experience, and even believes body odor issues will be solved. “I’ve read his (Elliott’s) stories, and actually yes, body odor will not be a factor anymore when the Glasses are rolled out. We have a functionality that is specific to Greyhound bus riding, so if odor is an issue there is an app you can use which brings up scent imagery such as fresh coffee grounds, rose pedal bouquets, and even McDonald’s Fries. Once the mind is triggered, scents outside the experience will become neutralized. Science of the mind is great, and yes, we are still perfecting the Google Glass experience by conducting numerous trial runs throughout 2015.”

One of those trial runs in January was recently leaked as being a “very concerning failure.” Passengers leaving New Jersey going to Florida were all given free bus fare in exchange for taking part in an experiment where they were required to wear Google Glass for the entire trip.

While the experience started out smooth, and many passengers spent the first few hours navigating the internet, checking email and social networks, soon many of the male passengers consumed themselves with online pornography and mid way through the two day bus trip, men were using the on board restroom for masturbation purposes. When the wait became too long, the male passengers would attempt to discreetly ejaculate in their seats. And after continued porn viewing, open masturbation became the norm as ejaculate matter was shot on the back of seats and indirectly on the backs of passengers heads.

“There has been an issue in our trials with content, but we refuse to be content censors. This is America, not North Korea and we will not censor. We are developing discreet mechanisms for passengers to dislodge themselves if they inadvertently rise to that level..mechanisms which will not disturb other passengers, even the stranger you are sitting next to,” explains Anderson.

Google Glass is slated to debut in February of 2016 and according to Greyhound, it will not effect the low fare ticket prices which customers are accustomed to.