Half of Americans Are Saying Next To Nothing

In a recent study from the John Goodland Institute, it was discovered that half of Americans are rarely communicating anything verbally, and instead are relying on texting, emailing, and social media to “speak”.

“What we found is that speech is taking on a whole new medium. It is no longer occurring through vocal cord transmission, but rather most Americans are speaking through their fingertips. They literally prefer texting to someone, rather than verbally calling on a phone, but it goes even further: If they are in the same room, only a few feet away from their target of communication, they will instinctively reach for their phone to text that person, before the brain realizes that verbal communication is more efficient. Incredible, right?” states one of the authors of the study.

Vocal cords in the throat are now migrating to muscle memory in the fingertips, and the study concludes that by 2030 we won’t need to speak, nor will we be able to as the cords will have atrophied to such a inoperable state.

Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak believes that this sets the stage for computers to take over for humans. Media ecologist Bob Duprian agrees. “The computers are beginning to learn that the first step is to shut down speech in the verbal form. Once you shut the humans up verbally, you can control them digitally.”